10 Signs You’re Mistaking Compatibility For Love

Finding a person you're compatible with is not easy. And when you find someone who is, it’s quite natural to feel that he/she is your soul mate. But sometimes, people end up confusing love with compatibility. The fact is, they are two different things. Experts say that knowing the difference is important if you want a relationship that is built on real love. Compatibility is having similar hobbies, enjoying each other’s company, having similar tastes in food, movies, etc., and similar opinions on marriage and children.

But love goes much, much deeper, and it is way more intense. It makes you want to help them, to support and nurture them, to be near them, and to protect them. When you are in love, you get all nervous and excited at the mere sight or thought of the person. You long to be with them all the time. There is also an emotional and sexual undercurrent that is not always present in compatibility.
 
In a compatible relationship, you are comfortable around each other and get along well. But it’s more like being with a friend. The highs and lows of passionate and intense love will be markedly absent. However, it must also be said that compatibility is an essential component of love. At the same time, it is not love.

If you are mistaking compatibility for love, here is a checklist to find out.

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1.  You feel safe in the relationship:

If your relationship is based on compatibility, you would feel safe. You feel happy about the way things are. It’s perfectly okay to feel safe in a relationship is important, but it can become a problem when you are too dependent on your partner to provide that safety. If you're in the relationship because you don’t want to be single again, it’s probably not love. 

2.  You don’t feel vulnerable:

Love is a roller-coaster ride, full of emotional ups and downs. Though too many ups and downs mean an unhealthy relationship, a relationship that makes you feel both high and low at times, indicates that you are in love rather than stuck in a comfort-zone.

3. You think your relationship is nice:

Many people tend to date those who have common interests and values. But, often, the attraction will be missing. Attraction is a key factor in a love relationship. There has to be some polarity, an element of tension to generate the spark that creates attraction. Without it, the relationship will lack the magic that love brings to life. Love goes beyond nice, it is mindblowing

4. Your partner is your type but holds no surprises:

A relationship that surprises and challenges you in some way goes beyond compatibility. If you want to find love, you may need to date someone who is not your type. Many enduring love relationships are between those who are different from each other. You may think someone is not your type at all, and then be surprised to find yourself falling deeply in love with them. 

5. You want to change things about your partner :

If you want to change certain things in your partner, there is a chance that you are mistaking compatbility for love. Focusing on his/her mistakes and the stuff that you want to change in them means they are probably not right for you. If you genuinely love someone, you won’t try to change them. Love means acceptance. It is not about wanting to "fix" your lover in ways that suit you.

6. You have to keep reminding yourself that you are in a good relationship:

If you are always thinking about your ideal relationship and what your present relationship doesn’t have, maybe it’s not love. When in love, there is no need to keep reminding yourself that you're in a secure relationship with someone you like being around. If you suspect that there is something missing, it may be true. 

7. You can’t say if you can see them in your future:

Just getting along well with someone does not translate into romantic compatibility. You may have the same opinions about marriage and what family means, but if you are not sure that your partner really is "The One," you need to understand why. Couples who are madly in love, too, have doubts, but they realize that love is the reason for them being together.

8. Seeing someone as the default option:

When you spend a lot of time with someone, you may see him/her as the “default” option. Though you feel very comfortable with them, there may not be any romantic feelings towards them. This is called the ‘dating-for-convenience’ syndrome that has been chronicled in many movies as well. 

9. Feeling restless and vaguely dissatisfied:

You have been dating someone for a long time, but suddenly you feel restless, though you can’t pin it on anything. You may think you are still in love with your partner, but the restlessness is your heart telling you that it’s not the real thing. Compatibility can bring people together, but it cannot keep them together in the long term. 

10. You don’t crave physical intimacy anymore:

People in love can never have enough of each other. The physical ardor does not diminish even with age. So, if you no longer get goosebumps when you feel your partner’s eyes on you, and you don’t feel butterflies in your stomach when he brushes past you, it means that what you have is not love, but something that appears like it.   

It is common for people to mistake compatibility for love as they tend to overlap. But in reality, they are different things. If you want real love, analyze your feelings. Being with a compatible person makes life easier. But love, despite being a bumpy ride, can take you places you have never been in your life. It‘s magical... and it lasts a lifetime.